Phineas and Ferb Porn Story: Traffic Cam-Caper Karl’s Version – Chapter 1

Traffic
Cam-Caper

Karls
Version

A
Screenplay By Brandie Delanie

KARL,
NARRATING:

Well,
youve seen the episode Traffic Cam-Caper. It was my record
of appearances in a single episode. You saw it with Agent P getting
the disk and Phineas and Ferbs rising suspicions about Norm. But I
saw it as an uneasy wait for Agent P. It all started when we found
out about the traffic cam

MONOGRAM:

Karl!
Youd better see this.

KARL:

What
is it?

MONOGRAM
shoves the newspaper at KARL

NEWSPAPER:

NEW
TRAFFIC CAM!

Installed
right next to 347 Maple Drive, the new traffic cam has footage of
almost everything for the past few weeks. It was installed at the
beginning of the month, but it has already gotten footage of a man
driving on the wrong side of the road. Police officer Martin Ward
says, Whoever was in that car was probably British. Weve told
him several times to drive on the right
side of the road, but he keeps forgetting. The cam has also gotten
footage of several things like a rollercoaster, a backyard beach, a
roller rink/giant loaf of bread, and a moon elevator. Once or twice,
footage watcher Robert Russo has seen a platypus with a fedora.
Doctors advise rest.

KARL:

WHAT
THE HECK?!

MONOGRAM:

Thats
what I thought. How could they do that? Im confused as to how they
could install that thing by Agent Ps house.

KARL:

Maybe
these two idiots Jeff and Dan decided to–

MONOGRAM:

Never
mind.

KARL:

You
never
like my ideas.

MONOGRAM:

Wed
better notify Agent P right away.

KARL:

He
wont thank us for waking him up.

MONOGRAM:

Listen,
I know its late at night but we have no choice! We have to get rid
of that footage!

KARL:I
still
say
it was Dan and Jeffs fault!

MONOGRAM:

Before
we tell Agent P, lets hear that stupid- er interesting idea of
yours.

KARL:

Okay.
Maybe those two idiots Jeff and Dan decided to make this plot where
they all of a sudden make this traffic-cam appear and pretend it was
there for a while and have it have footage of Agent P so he has to
get it and we end up tossing the disk in the trash!

MONOGRAM:

I
thought I told you to stay away from coffee and sugar!

KARL:

Hmph!

KARL
storms out.

Scene
goes to after they tell Agent P.

KARL
is reading Titanic
by
Mary Pope Osbourne.

MONOGRAM:

Karl?

KARL:

Aaaaah!
The Titanic sank at 2:20 AM in 1912!

MONOGRAM:

Shut
up! I was just gonna tell you to sit by the phone. In case Agent P
calls.

KARL:

Eryes,
sir?

KARL
exits.

MONOGRAM:

What
am I saying?!
Platypuses cant talk!

Scene
goes to KARL, who is sitting by the floor, continuing to read his
book.

KARL
zones out, but the phone rings, snapping him out of his book
trance.

KARL:

Ill
get it!

KARL
answers the phone.

KARL:

Hello?

TELEMARKETER:

Would
you be interested in purchasing a Jonas Brothers poster?

KARL:

Would
you like a taxi?

TELEMARKETER:

What?

KARL:

If
I wanted a Jonas Brothers poster I would have phoned you, just as you
would call a taxi service if you wanted a taxi!

TELEMARKETER
hangs up.

KARL,
NARRATING:

That
works every time. You should try it. But, later

MONOGRAM:

Any
calls?

KARL:

One
from a telemarketer, but I took care of him.

MONOGRAM:

Any
word from Agent P?

KARL:

No,
sir.

MONOGRAM:

Well,
I guess all we can do is wait.

KARL:

And
hope, sir.

MONOGRAM:

And
hope.

KARL:

And
also wait.

MONOGRAM:

I
already did
wait, Karl!

KARL:

Did
we do hope?

KARL,
NARRATING:

What
happened next was kinda embarrassing, but Ill show it for your
amusement.

Doorbell
rings.

KARL:

Lets
hope its Agent P!

PERSON
WITH TROUT AND A BOOK comes in.

KARL:

Can
we help you?

PERSON
WITH TROUT AND A BOOK hits KARL over the head with the book.

PERSON:

All
Disney cartoons die!!!

KARL:

Aaaaah!
Get the madman off me!

PERSON
slaps KARL around a bit with the trout.

PERSON:

DIE,
DISNEY CARTOON, DIE!

KARL:

Get
him off meeeeee!

KARL
gets pulled outside by PERSON.

KARL:

Mommeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Fighting
noises come from outside.

KARL:

OW!
OUCH! AAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAH! HELP!

Running
noises

KARL
comes in with a black eye, a scape on his cheek and a limp.

KARL:

I
– ow – escaped from – ow – the – ow – madmanow!

AGENT
D, AGENT KITTY, AGENT C and MONOGRAM stifle their laughter.

KARL:

You
think its funny?!

MONOGRAM:

Kindaa
bit

KARL
glares

MONOGRAM:

Okay,
yes!

KARL
shows that he grabbed the trout and the book from the PERSON.

MONOGRAM:

Uh-oh!

Screen
is blacked out because of BIG FIGHTING GOING ON NOT FOR YOUNGER
VIEWERS! FOR THE UNCENSORED SEE CHAPTER 2!

KARL,
NARRATING:

Okay,
thats what happened. Hope you enjoyed itnotOkay, we stopped
fighting after a while and started to get bored. Then the
embarrassing song happened.

MONOGRAM:

And
the cat goes

AGENT
KITTY:

Meow!

MONOGRAM:

And
the doggy goes

AGENT
D:

Woof!

MONOGRAM:

And
the owl goes

AGENT
O:

Hoo!

MONOGRAM:

And
the turkey goes

(silence)

MONOGRAM:

And
the turkey goes

KARL:

Umsir?
We lost Agent T last November.

MONOGRAM:

Oh,
right.

KARL,
NARRATING:

Oh,
man, that was embarrassing. It even made its way on national TV. For
those of you who watch Disney channel, you know what Im talking
about. So, after a few rounds of that song, we got bored again. So
then I got an idea.

KARL:

I
have an idea!

MONOGRAM:

Oh,
no.

KARL:

No
this is a good one! Okay, here it goes. I have a useful contact to a
great singer. My friend Illustrious-Crackpot says she knows a girl
whos a great singer. And that same girl loves me too!

MONOGRAM:

Who
might this girl be?

KARL
pulls BRANDIE out of nowhere.

KARL:

This
girl!

BRANDIE:

Hi-hi!

BRANDIE,
NARRATING:

Just
so you know, I WAS there! I just left before Perry came by!

KARL,
NARRATING:

Ahem!
Whos telling the story? ME! Anyways, she sang a few songs. One of
which ended up being a duet. She and I sang Sharpays version of
What Ive Been Looking For. I had fun. Then Brandie left and Agent
P came. After he left and we cleared Mr. Flynn-Fletchers traffic
ticket, I didnt even get home before I fell asleep. I just
collapsed and slept right on the floor.

KARL:

Wow,
what a late night!

MONOGRAM:

Wed
better get ho-

THUMP!

MONOGRAM
looks around.

KARL
had fallen asleep on the floor.

MONOGRAM:

Sometimes
I wonder about you.

KARL,
NARRATING:

That
was when we ended up waiting for Agent P. All was well again, and
the, ermdangerhad been neutralizedthe end.

A/N:
Ending ended up crappy again. At least, in my view. Sorry about
slipping myself into the story. I couldnt resist. So(dodges the
tomatoes that are thrown at her) criticism accepted as harsh as it
comes!