Phineas and Ferb Porn Story: How I Fell For My Nemesis Daughter Chapter 1

Okay, this is my first Phineas and Ferb fanfic and Im trying to do PnF oneshots so I can get my writing urge for it outta the way so I can focus on my other stories. This is also the first PerryxVanessa story for I am credited as being the first fan of it. Now I will tell you right now that this story is meant to be humorous. It is intended to be romantic and sweet but the bulk of the writing is meant to be comedic. What I mean is that you will often find Perry interrupting the story to say something that you may or may not find funny. But anyway, enjoy! Hope yall give my story a chance!

Hello. My name is Perry the Platypus and I have a secrete to tell you. What is this secrete you ask? Well, it could be that I live a double life as an agent for the O.W.C.Aor it could be that Im incredibly fond of my host familyor maybe its that deep down inside, I hope to never loose my one true nemesis. Well if you guessed anyone of these things, I would have to say youre right. All of these secretes are true. But this is a secrete so dark and sowellsecretethat there are only two people on this whole planet who know about it. (I would say the whole universe but Im afraid that little alien with the cute face found out about itdont ask he just did!) So you must be wonderingwhy would I tell you this secrete? Welllets just say I want to get it off my chest without a bunch of people I know learning about it. I mean come on, do you really have the access to contact the people I know? You dont even know me! I mean how are you gonna get a hold of Monogramor Carlor Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz? Ohwaitwell I just revealed their nameswell there goes the idea of using codenames for this story. Ughsee I was gonna do this whole thing where I called Monogram My Boss and Carl The Intern AND I was gonna call Doofenshmirtz The Idiot I Call My Nemesis. But oh welllets just hope you have no way of contacting them. So before I go off an accidently give you some way to contact themlet me tell you my secrete. Here it goesI, Perry the Platypus, am in love with my nemesis daughterVanessa Doofenshmirtz. Andto make matters worseshe is a human. But do not worry my new friends, although I cant say that my story ends the way I wish it did, it does turn out well for the both of us. So, let me tell you of how this love for this beautiful girl came to be.

It all started a couple of days agoI was napping on my owner Phineas (his codename was going to be Triangle boyhow fun would that have been?!) lap as he was watching television. My other loving owner, Ferb (he was going to be The British One), sat beside us munching on some corn chips. I was awakened by the sound of little Isabellas voice. (Her codenamewas going to be Triangle Boys Crush) She walked into the room and said her usual phrase Watcha doin?. Phineas replied with something about watching a Love Hndel concert and said that he and Ferb didnt know what to do that day. This seemed to bore me, so I lazily slid off of Phineas lap and wandered away from the group. I headed into the kitchen and overheard Phineas say Hey, wheres Perry? I smiled to myself; I always did wonder where they thought I disappeared to. Im sure their ideas are limitless.

That was when the watch on my arm beeped and I knew it was time to hop to work. I looked around to see if there was anyone nearby and when I saw that the coast was clear I sprang to life. And, by this I mean I jumped to my feet and placed my fedora upon my head. I then entered the secrete entrance through the sink (its an uncomfortable squeeze if I might say so myself). But once through the pipes I found myself landing upon my chair in the secrete lair underneath the house. The large screen lit up and Monogram appeared on it.

Good morning Agent P, he said, Dr. Doofenshmirtz is doing something rather suspicious today. And by suspicious I mean something that people dont normally do and is classified as distrustful.

Okay MonogramI didnt ask for the definition. Just tell me what the mission is, I thought to myself.

Basically, Monogram continued, hes making his own dance. He calls it the Doofenshmirtz Dance. Now, we have reason to believe that he is trapping everyone there for their doomeven though Carl and I plan on attending.

I rolled my eyes. Smart guysreal smart,

Carl then pushed his way on the screen and said, But I really REALLY need to find a date! Im desperate here, do you know any pretty girls?!

Carl! Monogram interrupted, This is not the time. Agent P needs to get on with his mission.

Sorry sir, Carl said as he sluggishly left the screen.

Anyway, we want you to get to the bottom of it and insure that no one and I mean NO ONE is in danger! Good luck Agent P!

And with that, I saluted to my boss, and sprang into action. And by this I mean I got off of my chair and rushed outoh great now Im doing it! (Though I did do it earlierDANG IT!)

I hopped into my hovercraft and flew off into the blue, cloudless sky. It really was a beautiful day. I looked down below at my home and saw my owners. And, to my surprisethey still werent doing anything. It seemed that Isabella was talking to Phineas and showing him a poster of some kind. It didnt matter though, I was sure they were going to be up to something later in the day.

I arrived at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated soon enough and parked my hovercraft on the roof. I then pulled out a hook and rope from the passenger seat and tied the rope to the hook and myself. I then hooked the rope to the side of an air vent, removed the top, and suspended myself into the living room of my nemesis, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. (You have no idea how much I wanted to call him The Idiot I Call My Nemesis. HeyI just got an idea for a book title!) I found Doofenshmirtz pacing up and down the room while talking on the phone. He didnt seem to notice my presence at all. I unhooked myself from the rope and walked over to my newly neglectful nemesis. As I neared him, I began to hear his conversation.

Alright, alright, he shouted into the phone, if you dont want to come fine! But I assure you thats its gonna be the hottest bash in all of the tri-state area! What? No II couldnt book them! Theyre strictly a one hit wonder!

I tugged at his pant leg. He looked down at me for a moment.

Hold on Perry the Platypus, Im a little busy. He said to me. He then returned to his caller, Well I couldnt get Love Hndel either, they werent available! Well I was considering The Bettys but theyre in the middle of a tour andwho DID I get? WellMarty the Rabbit Boy and his musical blender. Hello? Heeeellooo? Man she hung up on me!

I simply looked at my nemesis.

He looked down at me and smiled, That was my mother.

I gave him my I couldnt care less look and folded my arms.

He then said, Well anyway but was quickly interrupted by the ringing of his phone. Ohthis looks important Ill need to take this. Ill just have my daughter trap you she needs to practiceVANESSA!! COME HERE AND TRAP PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!

Dad, Vanessa said from the couch, Im sitting right here!

Oh, Doofenshmirtz replied sheepishly, well, then you can see he needs trapping. But dont tell him my evil scheme until Im done talking to your mother alright?

Yeah surewhatever, Vanessa replied.

Great, Doof said with a smile. This smile then turned to a look of disdain when he answered the phone. Hello Charlene, what gives me the pleasure of your call? he then walked out of the room and away from sight.

Vanessa gave a dramatic sigh and got up from the couch. I watched her walk over to me and hold out a remote. Okay, she said with an uncaring demeanor, lets get this over with. She pressed the button and a platypus sized cage fell from the ceiling, trapping me inside. Luckily, Doof remembered to supply me with moving space.

I watched Vanessa walk back to the couch and claim her rightful seat again. She picked up a magazine from the counter and flipped through the pages, clearly unimpressed. I cocked my head at her. I had never really taken much interest in the appearance of my nemesis daughter. She was a very lovely young lady. Her skin was clear and fair, her hair was long and shiny, her build waswelllets just mark it as a ten out of tenbasically she was a fairly attractive girl in the terms of the human race; so much to the point that these looks actually caught my attention (now that I had the time to actually focus on her).

Her eyes skimmed the pages of the magazine. It had taken me until now to notice that those eyesthose deep blue eyeswere so largeand might I say it.captivating! I thought I would get lost in them. I moved my own eyes to her hands. They held the magazine with such grace. They were small and practically perfect in everyway. (Beat THAT Marry Poppins) They themselves seemed like creatures, beautiful and gentle creatures; creatures that any man would be lucky to hold. I then saw her smile, which lit up her face immediately, and made her lookrather lovely. I figured that this smile was because she saw something she liked, but all I could think about was how that smileseeing that one smilemade ME smile. (This is a very strange thing because my owners smile all the time and I have no impulse towards them. Sothe question waswhy did I have one towards her?) But as I focused my attention to her smileI found myself focused on her lips. Those redred lips they were so perfectand delicateand the color of a blooming rose. They looked softand I imagined that they smelled heavenly because of her glossand at that pointall I could think aboutwas how they would feel pressed against my fur.

And thats when reality hit me. Errwellthe dresser hit me. Wellindirectly anyway. See, there was a dresser next to my cage that appeared to have a splintering leg. I assume that the leg finally broke and sent the whole thing down and slammed against my cage. Regardless, this slam sent my face to the ground. And while I lay thereI decided not to get up. Why you ask? Well because I was deep in thought. That shock had woken me up and made me realizeWHAT IN THE MOLEHILL WAS WRONG WITH ME?! Fantasizing about my enemys daughterand a human none the less! Mother always told me to never dream about a female of a different speciesit was just wrong. And the fact that it was Doofenshmirtz daughter made it so (dare I quote it) c|mo se diceawkward. But, I was sure that I could easily snap out of itboy was I wrong.

As I still lay face down on the floor of my cage, I heard Doofenshmirtz call from the other room, Vanessa, is everything alright in there? Did Perry the Platypus try to escape?

No Dad, Vanessa replied in an annoyed tone, your stupid dresser just fell!

Oh, he called back, Ive been meaning to get that fixedSORRY!

Ugh I heard Vanessa mumble. I then heard her footsteps come my way and my heart began to race.

Shut up heart, shut up, I thought desperately to myself.

I heard the dresser get pushed off of the top of my cage and I remained face down against the cold steal of the cage. For some reason, I just didnt want to lift my head to see that lovely face. Then, the top of the cage door opened, and I felt two delicate hands gently grab my torso. My heart was beating faster and faster by the second and I snapped my eyes shut. Those two soft, perfect hands lifted me out of the cage and as they did, I felt my hat fall from my head. I kept my eyes shut as I felt myself stop in midair, her hands still holding me. Did I dare open my eyes? NoI couldntI had to fight this feelingthis attraction.

But I gave in when I heard her say in the sweetest voice I had ever heard from her yet, Are you okay?

I slowly eased my eyes open and found myself staring straight into those deep blue eyes. I got lost in themwhich gave me a dazed expression that she took as me still recovering from my so called knock out. She held me to her and bent over to retrieve my hat from the cage floor. As she did, I looked up at her face. She was content, her usual disposition. Once she had the hat, she returned up right and walked over to the couch. She seated herself and sat me down upright in her lap. She placed my hat by her side and petted my head.

Sorry about that, she apologized in a gentle voice, my dads a real idiot when it comes to reminding himself to do stuff. Like fix an old dresser she added the last part with a tone similar to that of a growl.

What she said interested me. What she did interested me. And it then occurred to methat Vanessa must have cared enough to help me out of my cage and nurture me until I returned to my normal state (little did she know I was completely unaffected by shock of the dresser physically). But the basic idea was, that she didnt care about much of me at all on a regular basis, but this time something must have clicked in her. Im sure it was far from attractionbut it was something.

Vanessa picked me up and brought me back to eye level (oh dear) to get a better look at me. And after she stared at me for half a minute and I stared back, her perfect lips formed a smile, which in turn, of course, made me smile.

Wow, she said, I never noticed this beforebut youre actually pretty cute.

My insides fluttered with joy! Cute! I thought to myself, she actually thinks Im cute! I mean, pfft, like it matters! (ManI gotta stop lying to myself)

She then giggled a bit. (Vanessa Doofenshmirtzgigglingnow THATS a rare sight) And your smile makes you ten times cuter, she said.

My heart practically melted at this comment. She liked my smile! It made her laugh! Thats just as good as her smile impelling my own!

Hey, she said, does that seem weird? You knowme calling you cute when my dad wants me to hate you.

I shook my head vigorously. But then blushed because of how outright I was being with my objection to the thought. She clearly saw me blush and smiled. That smile againrendered me breathless.

Aww, She said, dont be embarrassed. Im sure you were dying for the compliment.

Actually I was rather use to the compliment. Many girls have called me cute (minus my owners sister Candace, she refers to me as ugly and smelly) and I have thought of it as nothing more than annoying. Andwell there was that one time that Doofenshmirtz found me rather cutethat whole dog thingnow thats what you call awkward Doof.

But none of that mattered. Coming from Vanessas gorgeous lips made it all the more special. Her compliment meant more than anything this world could ever offer me (other than her love). NO! I had to fight it, I just had to! I couldnt let this happen, it wouldnt! I had to kill the feeling, burn it, rid of it and relieve this heavy burden I now felt.

But how could I! This girl just didnt stop! And heres the part that finally broke me. She frowned a bit when she noticed that I was unfocused. She thought that I might still be hurt.

Are you okay? Does your head hurt or something? she asked me.

I tried to debate on whether or not to fake an injury to get her attention, or simply tell her the truth. But before I could decide she chose for me. She brought me closer and pressed those perfect lips of hers on my forehead. That was when the world stood still. It was like I was dreaming. Feeling those soft lips warm my forehead created a world of utter bliss. Everything around me disappeared and it was like we were the only two people in the world. You know that image of flowers and pink and hearts and such that you see in cartoons? Yeah, I didnt see that. But what I did see was me and herthat was all I really needed.

Her kiss lasted only less then a secondbut it was like time had slowed down just for me. For it felt like forever before her lips left my furry head. I missed the feeling on my forehead as everything returned to the way it was and we could both clearly hear Heinz quarreling with his ex-wife once again.

She smiled at me and asked, There, any better?

I simply gazed at her with a look that she didnt find awkward or creepy at all. It merely amused her. (Im sure it would for any girl, which was both painful and amazing for me at the same time)

Sorry hun, only one kiss per injury. She teased. She then switched to her annoyed look when she added Thats all my dad ever allows.

What was I thinkingDoofenshmirtz would throw a tantrum (notice how I didnt use fit…tantrum seems to suit his sensitivity level much more) if he found out I was falling for his daughter. Thats rightI said itI was falling in love with his daughter. I admitted it! And, I sad it to her as loud and as clear as I could. I said, I LOVE YOU! Errwellit actually came out as a chattering kind of sound.

She giggled. Well I guess that means youre feeling better.

Wellit was close enough I suppose.

She then sat me on her lap upright and facing her. I looked up at her face for I didnt exactly care to stare at her stomach (not saying that it wasnt perfectcuz it WAS!). She then picked up my fedora and placed it firmly on my head, concealing the lipstick imprint she had left. She smiled at me and I returned this smile with my own. We stared at each other for what felt like forever, but we broke our gazes immediately and drew our attention to Doofenshmirtz. He had just returned to the room still on the phone with Vanessas mother.

Okay, nice talking to you tobye, he said in his most courteous voice. He then hung up the phone and smiled at it for a moment. Then, he threw the phone to the wall out of rage and yelled at the top of his lungs.

Vanessa and I stared wide eyed at him as he stood there, slouched and panting. He then stopped when he caught sight of us. He gave an embarrassed smile as he said, Your mother says hi.

We continued to stare at him and then looked at each other. We both had the same thought, Somebody needs counseling.

He then scratched the back of his head and looked around the room. It truly was an awkward moment. Umhow about I just go on and tell you about my evil scheme Perry the Platypus.

I glanced at Vanessa for a moment. She had no interest in hearing Doofenshmirtzs plan for what I assumed was the second time. I then turned my head back to Doofenshmirtz.

So, Doofenshmirtz began, I am hosting my own ball that I call The Doofenshmirtz Dance as my own evil way charging overpriced admission making me MILLIONS!!! Orto a lesser extent a couple hundred bucks or soor maybe just somewhere in the ninety dollars section considering how many people come.

I gave him a questionable look. He caught it immediately.

What? he asked annoyed, I got tired of all those overdone evil business plansso I just stole all the stuff I could to make this dance FREAKING AWESOME! OhIm sorry Perry Doof quickly apologized, Ive been hanging out with Vanessa far too much Ive started to talk like her. Its funny really And, as if the mention of his daughters name woke him up, he finally brought his attention to us.

I could only assume from the strange look on his face that he found the position Vanessa and I were inawkward. Not that it was inappropriate or anything (for the sake of this story being K+) but it didnt seem a position fit for his daughter and his nemesis to be in.

UmVanessa he said awkwardly.

Yes she said blushing a bit.

Why is Perry the Platypus on your lap and not in his cage like I asked?

Because, Vanessa exclaimed, Youre stupid dresser fell on his cage and the shock knocked him out! So I took him out to see if he was okay and let him sit on my lap, is there anything so wrong with that?!

Vanessa was being defensivea little too defensive. Now, let me make this clear, thats good for Perrybad for Doof.

Heinz didnt seem to like her explanation. Its not that he didnt believe ithe just didnt like the sound of it. UmVanessaits a GOOD thing Perry the Platypus gets knocked out. It makes it less likely for him to thwart my plan.

Dad, I doubt he even wants to thwart it, its not exactly evil, Vanessa defended.

Well I am aware of this, Heinz replied, but still youve got him sitting there like hes a cute little bunny rabbit or something!

I laughed to myself, Or dog.

Vanessa gave an annoyed sigh, Dad this is stupiddont you have a disco ball to go steal?

Doofenshmirtz gasped in realization. Oh my gosh youre right! He then ran over to his hat rack and put on a hat Ive never seen him wear before. Vanessa, can you do me a favor and watch Perry the Platypus? I want him to work the lights for the gala!

No problem Dad, Vanessa said with an uncaring demeanor.

Thank you darling! Heinz said as he exited through the front door, leaving Vanessa and I alone again.

Vanessa sighed. She then picked me up again and placed me next to her on the couch rather then on her lap. She then picked up her magazine and began reading once again.

She then said, I swear Perry the Platypus, my dad overreacts so much.

I then nodded in reply. Tell me something I dont know.

And the fact that he made me come here today, was just stupid. I mean, I broke up Johnny and everythinghe knows Im in no mood for a stupid dance.

Now THAT was something I didnt know. JohnnyJohnnyI tried desperately to remember if I met such a boy. YES! I did, he was that boy that she was crushing on when I was helping Heinz with her Sweet 16. She broke up with him? Or did he break up with her? Because if he broke her heart, he would be expecting a surprise attack from Agent P!

But whatever, I broke up with him anyway. He didnt really get me, she said, as if reading my very thoughts.

Well that was a relief. Maybe I could have a shot with her! Nonow Im being stupidwe could never be together. I mean, I dont mind her fathers reaction much, but shes a HUMAN. And Im what Candace calls an ugly, smelly animalwhy would Vanessa ever want to consider loving melet alone dating me! And this thought of us never being together, brought me to tears. Literally, I mean I was seriously sitting there with tears rolling down my face. I tried to wipe them away quickly, but Vanessa caught me.

Her eyes widened and she dropped her magazine. Perry, whats wrong?

I looked up to see her beautiful face. She looked worried and those big, blue eyes reflected my miserable brown ones. I dont know what came over me, but I started balling my eyes out. All these emotions were too much for one little semi-aquatic mammal to handle. I hid my face with my hatI couldnt stand to let her see me cry.

But Vanessa wouldnt let that happen. Perry, she said, picking me up and holding me at eye contact height again. Perry whats got you so worked up? Was it something I said?

I wailed and hugged her tight, my arms around her neck and my tears staining he usual black attire.

You cant possibly be taking my breakup with Johnny seriouslyI mean I didnt even cry.

I ceased my crying for a second just to look up at her and give her my Are you serious? annoyed look.

Okay Im sorry, if you would just tell me what was wrong

I took her hand and brought it to my chest so that she could feel my heart.

She looked confused. Yourheart hurts? she asked awkwardly.

I shook my head and put my hands together to show her that I was in emotional pain as the tears streamed down my face.

Its aching? she asked.

I nodded.

So your heart is aching because you are in love?

I nodded again.

Andyouumoh, you cant be with that person? she guessed.

I nodded immediately.

Oh Vanessa said. I read her face, it looked morose. And thats when I knew, that she knew of my love for her. Perrydo you love me?

I didnt expect her to ask me so quickly. But I lowered my head and nodded shamefully.

Vanessa lifted my head gently up again to stare into those blue, beautiful eyes. Dont be ashamed Perry, I think its sweet.

I gave a weak smile as the tears kept coming.

And, I have to tell you nowthat we can never be together, she said, with the most heartbreaking look on her face.

My heart broke precisely at that moment. I knew she would say it, but I dreamt that maybe, just maybe, she was crazy enough to love me back.

But then, that was when I saw it. Vanessa Doofenshmirtz began to cry. I had never seen her cry but she wasand I didnt know why. The tears glistened on her face, but she looked beautiful even as they stained her cheeks.

But if it makes you feel any better she said, through her sobbing.

I looked up at her, her tears made me produce more teardrops as well.

this all hurts me so much because

Shes hurt, oh no shes hurt!

I THINK I LOVE YOU TOO! She wailed as loud as she could, with a smile, but with streaming tears nonetheless.

As tears still came, my mouth was a gape. I couldnt believe it. She loved meshe actually loved me! And, at that moment, she hugged me tight, and kissed my head so many times that my hat actually fell off again. She just kept kissing and kissing, and I kissed her neck as much as I could.

And that my friends, is how our story ends. Now I could tell you what happened next, but it would bore you to tears. Because you see, Vanessa and I loved each other, but we knew we could never be, so we kept our love a secrete. For that was merely the highlight of the day, and at the dancewe shared one moonlight dancebut were interrupted by Heinz trying his attempt a jerking. But maybe one day, we will be able to tell the world of our love, and all will be good. But until then, its just you me and Vanessa(and the little alien that says meapstupid stalker).

Well thats it! Tell me what you think! Sorry for any mistakes, my parents are making me rushIll fix them later.